Dedication. Determination. Drive. Desire. Passion.

For 15 years, I dedicated my life to the hardwood floors of hundreds of gyms, arenas and coliseums around the nation.

For 15 years, my determination broke old records, and set new ones.

For 15 years, my drive paid for my college education and granted me so much gratification.

For 15 years, my desire allowed me to eat, drink, sleep– and live– a life-long dream.

For 15 years my passion never faded, and I didn’t believe it ever would.

But it did; it began to wane. I got scared. I shut down. I was lost. I wasn’t a star anymore. Holy shit, I was no longer considered an athlete. I wasn’t recognized for my greatness anymore and what I thought was the ONLY thing that defined me.

It took me another 5 years to understand that my past was just a part of me and there was so much more to me and for me to express, to show to the world. I look back now and realize how close I was but just didn’t allow myself to open up. In that 5 years I was beginning what would be a failing career and a failing marriage. All of the negatives suppressed the “Nikki” everyone used to know and love. I was in hiding, but from what I didn’t know.

I slowly emerged, surrounded myself with fun people, finally allowed to enjoy my “college years.” I was getting closer, but it wasn’t until the fall of 2006 when David took me to a bodybuilding show that I found a new way to conjure the fire that I thought was lost from those 15 years. I was ready for a new challenge, one that would push my mind and body to new extremes. By the end of that year I had made up my mind to compete. I hired a coach and began a new diet and lifting protocol. I did what I was told but I didn’t understand “why“ behind it all. I didn’t see my body change fast enough. I expected a totally different experience. I hadn’t done my research. I wasn’t ready.

Being an athlete all my life I lifted heavy-ass weights because it was fun and I wanted to beat out all my teammates. I lifted to be the best at my sport, not to look a certain way. I spent countless hours in the gym to hone my skills, which allowed me to eat whatever I wanted. Was I lean, hell no, but I was fast and I could jump, so what did it matter what I ate? Even though I was in school to become an Exercise Physiologist, one class on nutrition didn’t give me the necessary tools for my new endeavor. I had to wait a little bit longer. Several months later I decided to leave my job to work with David as a personal trainer. Trainers and clients all around me were stepping on stage to compete and I was going through my “raw foods, runner, I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-I-want-to-accomplish” phase. I had slipped yet again. Fuck!

David and his training partner would laugh and laugh and laugh at me, but still try to help me get my diet fixed so I could meet my new goals. It was a constant joke and I just seemed to get fatter. David and I became very close friends and decided to take it to the next level and to the next level of fattness. I was a personal trainer and I weighed 190 pounds. Who the hell would want to hire me when I couldn’t even look the part? David was looking quite pathetic himself, but the difference was that he had “gotten there.” He had competed already and had the pictures to show his success, so fat didn’t look so bad on him. But we knew something had to change. After a whirlwind romance we fell in love and married immediately and moved to Columbia, MD to continue our personal training careers.

Before we moved we intended to start dieting immediately. Because we were the newbies we didn’t received the warmest welcome, especially among the members. David once overheard a snide comment a female member had made about my weight. His initial reaction was anger and once the dissipated it turned into, “It’s time to show these people what we are made of!” Five months later David stepped on stage, 5 months later I had dropped 25 pounds. I did it!! It was the first time I stuck with a plan for several months and saw the results of time and effort I had put into my training and diet. But it still wasn’t enough, I wanted to compete, dammit, but I also wanted to start a family.

Unbeknown to the both of us I was pregnant at the time of David’s competitions. Once we found out I realized how much the past 5 months had meant to me and I was determined to eat well and workout during the entire pregnancy. That is exactly what I did. Up until 2 weeks before we had Raven, in July of 2009, I was putting 135 pounds on my back to squat and 6 plates on the leg press. This was my life, this was me, why would I stop if I was healthy and I knew my baby was perfectly safe?

By the end of October I had dropped 35 pounds and maintained through the end of the year. It was time to diet again, but this time I would be getting on stage.

The last 10 months have been one hell of a journey. David tested me, he pushed me and I pushed back , he pissed me off, A LOT, but he lightly held my hand, guided me, and never leg go! I got there, I made it up on that stage. I didn’t just get up there either, I qualified for Nationals, in my first year competing!

My training partner, my best friend, my husband, brought me back and a bit of “new” me has been added. David’s knowledge of the sport and passion for the industry far exceeds anyone I have ever met. Our journeys will be slightly different in the next year and a half; I plan on competing next year (and starting nursing school) while he makes improvements to his physique to come in even stronger to compete in 2012 (and grow his business). Each step of the way new challenges and road blocks will surface but I know that David will be there, as he is for all his clients, to teach, to guide, to push even harder, so that he brings out the greatness in us all. I was already great, that is why he married me, but now I remember it and exude it.

The women’s side, by contrast, has undergone lots of change over the years. Originally, there was only women’s bodybuilding, which is the female analogue to men’s bodybuilding– women trying to build muscular, ripped physiques. Then the NPC introduced the Fitness division. For women competing in Fitness, there is both a physique component, as well as a performance component that involves gymnastic-style strength movements and a choreographed performance routine.

Then the NPC introduced Figure as the newest women’s division. The Figure division was introduced in large response as a contrast to women’s bodybuilding. In the early years, women’s bodybuilding was about building a muscular, lean, yet still feminine physique. Over the years, the standard changed, and the look arguably became increasingly less “feminine”, or at least less appealing to the mainstream.

Figure was the NPC’s answer. Basically, the Figure look is a far-toned-down bodybuilding physique, similar to what women’s bodybuilding began as– athletic, lean, muscular, yet still highly feminine. It is less extreme, less bulky, and less shredded.

In 2009, the NPC decided to add a fourth category to women’s physique competition– the Bikini division. The Bikini division is pretty much just what it sounds like– girls that look very good in bikinis hitting quarter-turns on the stage.

Most would think that the Bikini division would have been welcomed with open arms within the bodybuilding community. After all, who can realistically criticize beautiful, fit girls on a stage showing off incredibly sexy bodies? Yet it didn’t quite pan out like that. The Bikini division has received a LOT of flack on the various bodybuilding message boards. Because the division is so new, the verdict is still out on how successful Bikini will be within the NPC, and how serious we should take it. There are many supporters of the Bikini division amongst the bodybuilding fans. However, a cursory examination of most of the popular bodybuilding boards and websites will reveal that there is actually more backlash against bikini, than support for it.

The important question that needs to be answered is, Why? Why would various types of physique athletes band together and be almost hyper-critical of the Bikini division, even before it gets off the ground?

If you read the threads on the boards dealing with and discussing Bikini, you will notice a lot of names being called, and a lot of accusations being made. People are searching and scrambling for words and arguments to express their initial gut reactions and emotional instincts regarding Bikini. Most accuse it of being shallow at best, “cheap” at worst (to use a kind term).

Why is this division consisting of beautiful girls not being welcomed with open arms into the bodybuilding community?

The real reason is because the Bikini division flies in the face of the spirit of bodybuilding.

It is generally claimed that bodybuilding is not so much a sport as a lifestyle. It is a way of living, a way of thinking, and a way of dealing with the world. It is almost a “life path” of sorts, similar to a samurai’s life. It requires an incredibly heightened sense of discipline and a work ethic that would make most “normal people” (non-bodybuilders) cringe with pain.

There is no direct payoff to bodybuilding. Even in the pro ranks, there is not a ton of money to be made. Nobody begins bodybuilding as a means to earn a living. The vast majority of competitors are content to compete simply for the sake of competing. It is a personal challenge, similar to climbing a mountain or running a marathon. Only it is a challenge that takes literally years of hard work and dedication to master, and to maximize your natural genetic potential.

When we shifted from Bodybuilding to Figure, we introduced requirements that allowed a certain “lowering of work ethic”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Figure girls don’t have to work hard. Quite the contrary. Most Figure competitors probably have to train just as hard, and be just as disciplined with diet and cardio, as most bodybuilders. But the major difference between Figure and Bodybuilding is the factor of time.

To be a successful bodybuilder, you need a lot of muscle mass. This holds true for both the men’s side of the sport, as well as the women’s. There is no question that “mass” is one of the prerequisites of bodybuilding.

With Figure, you still need a good amount of muscle mass, though it is far less than that required for Women’s Bodybuilding. And muscle mass takes time to build and develop. In this regard, on average, genetics being the same, it will take a woman far longer to build the necessary physique to compete in Bodybuilding, than it will for that same woman to build the necessary physique to compete in Figure.

In this regard, it takes more long-term discipline and dedication to be a Women’s Bodybuilding competitor than it does to be a Figure competitor.

Now again, I want to stress that I am NOT trying to disparage Figure competitors whatsoever. I have the utmost respect for most Figure competitors, and what they are trying to accomplish. I think the Figure physique, on average, is beautiful, sexy, and inspiring. But it is simply NOT as hard to build as a Bodybuilding physique.

Given that long-term dedication and discipline are some of the major factors that play into the Spirit and Lifestyle that is Bodybuilding, it should come as no surprise that male and female bodybuilders share more in common, psychologically and personality-wise, than male bodybuilders and figure girls do.

So where does Bikini fit into all of this?

When the Bikini standard was introduced, it became clear to most competitors on the boards that the bar was being lowered considerably. Again, many of the Bikini girls are very pretty and have beautiful bodies, but they share little in common with Bodybuilders, and even Figure girls for that matter. As soon as the description of Bikini was released by the NPC, the question started to arise, Why exactly are these girls sharing a stage with bodybuilders?

There are already numerous outlets for Bikini competition throughout the world and USA in particular. Bikini competitions tend to be a far greater draw, audience-wise and economically, than bodybuilding has been in a long time (and probably ever will be again). Thus, the leading theory on the boards is that the NPC is creating its own Bikini division mostly to generate money. It will “put more butts in seats”, so to speak. After all, the common argument went, sex sells, and Bikini is mostly T&A.

Not many of the supporters of Bikini have been able to shake this argument, or show where it is faulty. Some supporters have argued that Bikini girls have to train “just as hard” as figure/bodybuilding girls, they just lack the genetics to build the requisite muscle mass to compete in these other divisions. This argument is highly dubious, as the amount of muscle mass required to compete at the local level in Figure is attainable-enough that most women could accomplish it with a mere 2-3 years of hard, dedicated training and dieting.

“Well some of us don’t want to have to wait that long to compete”. This was an often-heard response attempting to justify Bikini’s inclusion in the NPC. And it reveals the true reason why Bikini has been philosophically and spiritually rejected by most within the Bodybuilding community, at least as far as a contest worthy of respect goes.

Even though Bodybuilding (men’s and women’s) and Figure differ in terms of the end product (the type of physique built) and the amount of time/effort required to build it, they share many commonalities. There is enough commensurability between the Bodybuilding and Figure physiques to justify having them on one stage. Both physique types are muscular and athletic, and both are lean, though the degree of each of those qualities differs from Bodybuilding to Figure. Furthermore, to achieve the proper “stage look”, both the Women’s Bodybuilder and the Figure athlete have to invest some serious time, effort, and discipline. Nobody will excel in Figure simply by getting on a stage without having suffered through a grueling diet, a ton of cardio sessions, and hours of difficult weight training.

Bodybuilding is a discipline in that it takes lots and lots of effort to achieve a physique far down the road. It is all about delayed gratification. It is about waking up daily and accomplishing small goals (one meal at a time, one cardio session at a time, one weight training session at a time) in order to achieve one large goal at the end– stepping on stage with the body of a Greek God, becoming a living statue, the physical Ideal representing humankind.

Figure competitors have to go through largely this same process. They have to suffer through diets that deprive them of all tasty food for months on end. They have to spend countless hours in the gym training and doing cardio to achieve a certain look.

In this sense, Bodybuilders and Figure athletes share a discipline and a common bond. There is a mutual respect. Even though the approach is slightly different– as is the end product– there is quite a bit of similarity. There is a feeling of, “You are my equal, because you worked incredibly hard, too.”

The problem with Bikini is that, by and large, it does not require this discipline. The amount of effort required to build a proper Bikini body is minimal at best when compared with Bodybuilding and Figure. A Bikini competition is more about one’s “natural assets”, or those that have been purchased from a doctor, than about one’s discipline over time. A Bikini competitor does not have to spend countless hours in the gym moving bone-crushing weights and sweating like a pig. A Bikini competitor does not have to get so lean that they are required to thrive off of tasteless food, lower energy levels, and hour after hour on the Stair Mill. The amount of suffering required to build the Bikini body pales in comparison to the amount of suffering required to build a Bodybuilding or Figure/Fitness physique.

In this regard, bodybuilders will be prone to not hold Bikini competitors in as high a light. Their accomplishments do not seem nearly as important or great. Insofar as there is a Spirit of Bodybuilding, a feeling of heroism that we are attracted to as spectators, it is the worship of work ethic, discipline, and to a very real degree, suffering. We want to see what can be accomplished with a single-line vision, 100% consistency and dedication. We want to see what the human body is capable of accomplishing.

Bikini does not uphold this ideal. Bikini, by contrast, is a bunch of “good-looking girls”. They do NOT know what it feels like to suffer as a Figure or Women’s Bodybuilding competitor does. Chances are good that many of these Bikini competitors can roll in off the street after having dieted at 50% effort for 6 weeks, and place well, versus the bodybuilder who must be 100% strict for 12-20 weeks.

I’m sure I will receive certain objections about the role of genetics. Yes, it is true that some competitors can compete in Bodybuilding or Figure without 100% effort. It is assuredly true that some have better genetics for building muscle and getting ripped than others. I’m sure it’s also true that a certain percentage of Bikini competitors will have to work VERY hard in order to build proper Bikini bodies, including starting to work out harder, eating better, etc.

But that is not really the point. When we are looking at broad movements, we have to exclude the cases on the extreme ends and look at averages. ON AVERAGE, most Bikini competitors will not have to work all that hard. ON AVERAGE, they will not share the suffering and discipline that Bodybuilding and Figure competitors will go through. ON AVERAGE, most individuals that compete in Bodybuilding and Figure will have train for YEARS, and suffer for numerous months, in order to present the best possible physique on stage. ON AVERAGE, most Bodybuilders and Figure athletes will have to put forth 100% effort to be successful in this sport, while the same cannot be said of most Bikini athletes.

Given the above, it should come as no surprise that the bodybuilding community has largely scoffed at Bikini. Most have identified it to be little more than a money-making ploy trying to sell even more sex to the American public. Most have realized that the Bikini competitors, as nice as they might be, do not deserve to share a stage with REAL physique athletes.

By 2009, it is obvious that this planet is heavily populated with advertising by beautiful people. The Internet, television, movies, commercials, and most stages are already dedicated to “girls who look good”. We get it, beautiful girls are beautiful.

There is very little space left for the worship of perfection and the ideal physique. Bodybuilding is already a very small niche sport, and occupies a very little corner of the world. It is a shame we are willing to give that corner away, and lower the overall standard of what it takes to be a “physique athlete”, to sell a few more tickets.

I applaud anybody who wants to share their beauty with the world, be that Bodybuilders, Figure athletes, or Bikini girls. But there are different types of beauty. I would not want to attend a classical symphony and end of hearing jazz or heavy metal, even though I might appreciate all three types of music. No more do I want to see Bikini girls on a bodybuilding stage. It just doesn’t make sense, and is a slap in the face to all of us who have trained so hard for so long.